Asking What If…?
Asking What If…?
Solution focused conversations have no agenda, there are no grand theories on how you should or shouldn’t live, what you should and shouldn’t do. SF conversations can lead to someone making significant changes that last into the future. SF therapy has the same level of success as other therapeutic approaches, and yet often the questions we ask and the way we ask them are a surprise to our clients.
Exploring the “What if” within “What Is”:
We may explore the future; without an emphasis on positivity, rather with a emphasis on curiosity of what the context of your life would be like when the issue is resolved, or no longer a problem.
We explore your past and current experience; with a wondering about what’s already working for you, and perhaps how you have coped with similar issues.
We follow these types of questions and more, clearly within the context of ‘what is’ in your life and your experiences.
So what if…?
A conversation I had with a client recently made me reflect recently on the power of asking ourselves “what if…” and have been practicing it myself over the last few weeks, and have found it to be wonderfully helpful for me too. Often when we are thinking about our future, we feel resistance to imagining change. This is very normal and natural; after all I’m doing my very best right now to do what I can and things aren’t changing, and also there are a lot of mechanisms in our brains that feedback to try keep things the same (as animals, we fundamentally don’t like change for many reasons).
Within the framework of what is already, when allow ourselves to imagine what could be we; can really free ourselves up to change and find some quite sticky situations seem to unstick quite easily. So when you find yourself resistant to thinking about the future when the problem has been overcome, try asking yourself “but what if …” and see what happens…!
I could never learn a new language…but what if I could?
I’m not brave enough to go along to an interview… but what if I was?
There’s no way I could be calm with that person… but what if I could?
Today for me it’s a small one, but it has worked. I asked myself “what if I could organise myself well enough today that I can go out for a coffee with my friend tomorrow…?” and I have found myself finishing off this blog post by 10.30!
